Things that always happen at Half Term......

  1. You start the week with hope and joy in your heart that you will be SuperMum and you'll have many wonderful days out "making memories," absolutely won't give in to the demands of "I want sweets" and vow to feed your precious rascal fruit and vegetables all week.
  2. This goes down the pan after Day 1, when you realise everywhere is just so bloody busy / fully booked / full of ugh, other people's children so you give up and have a few sofa days instead. With sweets.
  3. You are bombarded with constant pictures of Smug-Mummies on Facebook and Instagram feeling "hashtag blessed" and tagging themselves and their precious ones in to all the amazing places for days out that you've either never heard off, never want to go to or cost a fortune.
  4. You then realise that they are probably living under a smokescreen, are not "blessed" in the slightest and their precious ones are probably being absolute little gits behind the carefully filtered selfies.
  5. The healthy eating plan goes out the window when your rascal asks for a McDonalds on Day 2 and you actually quite fancy one so you give in. This also happens on Day 4.
  6. Rascal is shocked / secretly impressed at how much McDonalds food Mummy orders. For herself. Chicken nugget chaser, going "large" and extra gherkins on the Big Mac? Yes please.
  7. The realisation that McDonalds Happy Meal toys are actually rubbish and used to be so much better back in the day hits you. And what did happen to Hamburgler?
  8. You promise yourself that all homework will be completed early on in the week. It is not.
  9. You have to look up a few answers in said homework as they confuse the hell out of you.
  10. You plan a day of clearing rascal's room and making it beautiful, sorting old games and toys for the charity shop and bonding whilst doing so. Reality? He won't let you bin anything, including that screwed up drawing he did six months ago that he just found and is covered in fluff. After five minutes he's disappeared and left you to it.
  11. You are forced to watch Kung Fu Panda six times. Yes, SIX.
  12. Whilst being super organised and checking through the frankly vile PE kit that only comes home at half term, you realise that the pumps are suddenly two sizes too small.
  13. This, in turn, makes you check all the shoes before a hasty trip to Clarks is arranged and the nightmare of small feet that just keep growing becomes a reality.
  14. Small feet that keep growing cost you a new pair of school shoes, new pumps, new trainers and max out the credit card. No ASOS spoils for Mummy for a few weeks. Sob.
  15. You are in shock at just how often your small rascal wants to eat. Three different gastronomic requests for breakfast. Lunch demanded at 11am. "Can we just have those cookies as a treat Mummy?" "Let's make pancakes!" "Can we bake something???"
  16. Baking seems like a really lovely, homely and totally Instagrammable Smug-Mummy activity. After finding a suitable recipe and ingredients and preheating the oven to 200, you realise the rascal has got bored, given up and disappeared.
  17. Rascal decides he wants to channel his inner Da Vinci and "do some painting." You are aware this will create a LOT of mess and you will also, over the next few days, find paint in places in your home you didn't even know were possible considering you'd tried your very best to confine it to the corner of the kitchen.
  18. Nerf gun bullets hurt quite a lot when fired in close proximity to Mum's backsides.
  19. You realise that actually, you quite like having this little rascal around and may even miss him when he goes back to school.
  20. Your heart hurts a little when you remember that soon, he won't want to "almost" bake cakes with you, won't want to play Snakes and Ladders (and cheat like mad) with you, won't want Mummy snuggles forever and you decide you actually bloody love half term and can he be six forever please??